Psychically Single

Single Scene Newspaper, September 1999

By John Safin

Got that ESP going?  That’s Extra Sensory Perception.  Well, even if you’re not aware, you’re emitting and receiving lots of signals.  Think of the last time you bought a car.  As soon as you knew the make, model and even the color of the car you wanted, you became aware of other people were driving the same car.  This is called ‘Cognitive Recognition’.  Single people are especially gifted with specific forms of ESP. 

Ever find that you’re meeting the same “type” of person no matter where you go?  This is your psychic signal to attract that person.  You don’t know you’re doing it, but the signals are being sent out anyway.  The receiver isn’t consciously aware of it either.  Of course, the different types of psychic waves transmitted will attract a particular recipient.

Most times when you’re out with friends just enjoying a good time, your brain will give off waves of Greater Endo-Enigmatic Kinesis.  It is also the time when you will be annoyed by those who are especially tuned towards GEEK waves.  Although cute and friendly, a GEEK will usually just be a small giggle between you and your friends. 

When you find someone who is just “dreamy” the opposite of the GEEK will be broadcast in the form of a Horizontal Ultra Base Bipolar Algorithm.  This is the most likely time you will meet someone in the HUBBA category.  The side effect when two such individuals encounter each other in a similar mental broadcasting state can be explained by “love at first sight” or HUBBA Squared.  The more common term is HUBBA-HUBBA. 

There are two types of psychic signals transmitted when actively trying to meet someone new.  As explained earlier, each of these signals will attract a different type of individual.  In either case, these people will be charming, pleasant and whatever else is an important quality to you.  Unfortunately you will discover later which has received the Wide-Amplified Kinetic Omissions (WAKO) and the Normal Iso-Cerebral Emissions (NICE). 

And yes, once you have found someone with NICE brain waves, your telepathic beacon changes.  You will be transmitting a Normal Omission Trans-Neural Oblongata Wave (NOT-NOW) as evidence by more NICE people trying to get your attention.  You could also be emitting a wave to your competition, those who would like to attract your new friend’s attention, in the form of Mental Iso-Neural Emissions (MINE). 

More study of this phenomenon.  If you’re wondering about me: I have noticed it’s not so much psychic energy as the type of pants I wear.  But that’s another story.

About the Author

John Safin has written non-fiction, fiction, humor, and political ravings plus acted as ghost and speech writer for top business leaders.

He has a background in business operations, marketing, public relations, event planning, recruiting, and training.

Originally from Upstate New York, John moved from Glendale, AZ to Carlsbad, NM, which he now calls "home."



Sonoran Mirage Anthology

Sonoran Mirage

with contributing author

John Safin





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