If the Wedgie Doesn’t Get You,
the Tight Shoes Will
An entry in the
Writer’s Digest Chronicle Contest
By John Safin
Each day, I sit at my
desk to fabricate a world of fantasy and illusion, or compose a factual
article for a trade magazine. The claxons of telephones, beeping of
faxes, and dinging of email can be ignored; simply tuned-out. And
writer’s block be damned! A constipated idea can be cured with the
right relaxation techniques. Through the years I have discovered it’s
not how you look, darling, it’s the way you feel. It’s the clothing that
makes the writer.
Start with your
thinking cap. Take out your favorite a rhinestone cowboy hat or Speedy
Gonzalez sombrero. Some deeley-bopper antennae could help direct the
thought waves of aliens from Alpha Centauri to work some magic through
your fingers. A stainless steel colander, I have found, to be a terrific
head piece for sifting out the good ideas. Who would mind once you have
(or don’t have) on your head gear?
Then there’s the torso.
Hawaiian shirt. Tie-dye. Floppy flannel. What’s your favorite shirt?
Everyone has one. That comfy, Sunday-morning-be-lazy top that makes
napping oh so much fun. I have found a loose fitting golf shirt, with a
missing middle button, to give me the freedom of movement to arm wrestle
the most stubborn stanzas, persnickety prose and gnarly narrative to the
Matching the baggy
shirt is my almost baggy shorts. Almost baggy as it is a little snug
around my child-bearing hips. Not bad for a guy, huh? The all-cotton
bottoms provide a breathable environment…for my cute little knees, of
Well, maybe not too
The final choice: Sock
or sockless. The warm pocket of white cotton keeping each little piggy
bathed in fabric, or the au natural sensation of wiggling toes on
synthetic carpet. It’s an impromptu decision. When documenting the tales
of fictional psychopaths, I become the character and wear only one sock.
The other is over my hand talking to me, of course. Mr. Arr Guile and I
have a unique relationship when I'm writing about the activities of a
deranged mind. [Add Mad Scientist maniacal-type laughter here.]
Inspiration and ideas
for good writing are all around. When it’s time for “ready, set, write!”
You should ask yourself: What’s in your closet?
John Safin has written non-fiction, fiction,
humor, and political ravings plus acted as ghost and speech writer for
top business leaders.
He has a background in business operations,
marketing, public relations, event planning, recruiting, and training.
Originally from Upstate New York, John moved
from Glendale, AZ to Carlsbad, NM, which he now calls "home."
with contributing author